What does it mean to be humble? How do I get in touch with a true assessment of whether I am adequately modeling the spiritual fruit of humility? Music of any kind, but especially quiet, worshipful music seems to reach inside me and actuate emotion. Just a few notes of a song can bring an experiential awareness of God’s presence that an entire sermon cannot elicit. I suppose that level of openness to music is a form of humility, but one that completely bypasses the mind on the way to the soul.
Today I sat in a prayerful place for a long time, trying to settle in, to escape my mind, and then in the short time it has taken me to write these words, I begin to experience clarity and passion and connection with something deeper. Is the mere act of writing things down an emotional or spiritual actuator? Is the ritual of connection with God and others another version of unintentional humility?
Over the course of my life, one of my deepest sorrows has been my relational separation from others. I have kept others at arm’s length in an attempt to protect myself from relational wounds. God is all about relationships. When I identified that my self-protection was preventing me from meaningful connection with others, I wanted to find a better way. Self-protection, in this sense, can be seen as a lack of humility, a misguided attempt to avoid experiences designed to grow the underdeveloped parts of my personality.
When I am transported into God’s presence through music or writing, these glimpses of God are not things I am “trying” to perceive. They happen in spite of my volition. Can this understanding be transferred to my relationships with others? Clearly, a dose of humility is needed, but what does “not trying” look like in that context? By relaxing into God’s love, I surrender to the possibility of connection with others, even when that possibility carries with it the real chance of being hurt.
Humility is often thought of as an abstract spiritual fruit, or an unattainable ideal. Integrating humility, in practical ways, into one’s relationships with God and others gives it life and relevance. When I compare the intellectual idea of humility with the reality of my own deep-seated selfishness, being more humble seems like an unattainable goal. But when I look at how humility is already taking root in my life, often without my active effort, and nurture that growth, I participate in God’s gradual, life-affirming process of sanctifying my soul one day at a time.
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